Thursday, March 3, 2011

negativity #2

i'm still depressed cuz of many things. drama, broke ass, lecturer, assignments, tests, everything in shah alam depress me. if i go home this week, will i be able to recover myself back?

i am very hostile right now. i think negatively at everyone. not that i think all people are bad, i just think that they are too busy to hear me. yeah, i'm seeking for attention right now.

the only way for me to escape from this negativity is by eating. nowadays, i eat three times a day. and three times, to me, is effin' much for a girl. lemme just tell you bout my diet yesterday. lunch, laksa at cafe. dinner, fried rice at candles. supper, two freakin' pieces of roti telur bawang at barra. monstrosity, i know. but i am just too d*mn frustrated with everything right now. only eating can keep me sane, though i occasionally shed a tear or two when i ate supper yesterday. T___T

and luckily, i have these sweetest friends who always eat together with me. cuna, marhanis, and jannah. especially marhanis, the goddess of eatery. hihi. just kidding, babe.

i actually kinda hate myself. our drama coach always told me to "be more childish! more!" so much that i stop liking drama class. i have very low-confidence right now, thanks to that. not that i am highly confident before. and oh, arabic test. why was i so stupid as to skip the class? i guess my excuse of "i ate two pills for my flu and i cannot even get up from bed" is unacceptable. not that people would believe it. and i haven't even start at how shitty i perform for this semester. C+ from Kieran, tons of nagging from Elia and Syahreena, what else? i don't even know how i got DLs those past three semesters. T___T

what i really hate, actually, is how some people are very insensitive to others. i don't care if people wanna state my weaknesses, i know they want me to improve. but to directly state it in front of other people, and only at me, is f*ckin' embarrassing, man. don't you think i worked my ass off hard enough to perform to you? show some gratitude, man! T___T

*dah lega sikit. thank you, blog.

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