Why can't losing ever make us happy? Over time, it will, I guess. But what about that period from where you started losing something to the point of you accepting the fact that it's lost?
I lost my cat today. He was always not the strong type - the one that should be fighting with other cats or go venturing with other cat warriors, sneaking around to scare the chickens. He got his left leg injured when he was little (before he was handed to me) and that was when I knew he should just live snuggly at our home, laying on our laps and playfully putting its paws to our cheeks.
But my little Abu was also stubborn (I wonder where did he inherit the trait though haha) and went about eating everything my dad threw at him and went squabbling with other cats. Seeing that lump on his chest was enough for me to know that he was going to get sick in no time. And he did.
His stubbornness got him living longer than he should, though. Long enough for me to forget how fragile he was. As stupid as humans are, I thought my baby was going to live forever. At least long enough for him to be healthy again. For a while, he did look like he was going to get better. He ate a lot and played a lot, then he got sick for the second time.
It was worse this time. It turned out the lump on his chest was actually full with pus. He had to go to the vet and get a small hole so his pus could start flowing out. Over the last four months I was busy working, his health also slowly left him - just like I did. :(
When he just stopped breathing today, I was at work. Today was my last day of work, too - how ironic that is? I intended to resign early so that I could take more care of him, but deep in my heart I knew that I no longer want him to suffer. I accepted his death with no regrets, but the pain still lingers.
Rest in peace, Adik. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you were leaving, but I hope my absence lessens my pain. Thank you for being the greatest.