kau dan aku

pertama kali, kau lari-lari kepadaku dari hujung sana. kau cakap, "jom makan sama-sama!" aku yang terpinga-pinga ketika itu mengikut saja, walau di hati terdetik rasa kurang selesa. yalah, kau dan aku sumpah berbeza. sebab kau hebat, aku ini bukan sesiapa.

tapi lama-lama, terbit rasa suka. aku suka tengok kau ketawa. bila kau senyum, orang lain semuanya gembira. macam kau ada aura, boleh buat orang bahagia dan ketawa bersama. dan aku beri kau gula-gula, aku beri kau bunga, aku beri kau segala-gala. aku suka sebab kau tak pernah menolak begitu saja. macam kau tak kisah berkongsi dengan aku yang bukan sesiapa. kau buat aku mula merasa persahabatan itu ada makna.

lama-lama kita jadi sahabat setia, satu hari aku beri kau cenderamata. tapi kau datang semula. membawa cenderamata yang patah dua. kau berkata "maaf, aku tak sengaja." aku iyakan saja. kita masih sahabat setia. sahabat setia boleh tempuh apa saja.

dan kemudian aku berikan kau hati aku. kau datang semula, membawa hatiku yang berderai seribu. "maaf, aku tak sengaja." katamu. aku terkedu. nafas panjang kuhela, aku maafkanmu. sebab hatiku, kau sudah plaster satu-satu. aku hargai itu. antara perbuatan paling baik pernah seseorang lakukan untuk aku.

dan akhirnya, kuserahkan hujung sebuah tali persahabatan. "pegang dan jangan lepaskan," itu yang kukatakan. namun, cuma satu kesilapan. aku katakan yang kau punya kekurangan. terus saja hujung tali itu kau lepaskan terbang ke awangan. dan terus saja aku hilang tujuan. aku dapat kesedaran. aku memang bodoh, tak reti berkawan. bila fikir-fikir balik, aaaaahhh. kisah apa aku kau banyak kekurangan? yang penting, asalkan aku susah, laju saja kau hulurkan tangan. maka kali ini, tibalah aku punya giliran.

kalau ada peluang, hari itu akan kuulang. kesilapanku itu nak saja aku balut kemas-kemas, ke hujung dunia aku buang. dalam hati kau, aku masih mencari ruang. aku nak kau ingat, aku tak pernah menyesal dengan banyak-banyak masa yang telah kita luang. aku juga nak cakap bahawa kau dah jadi antara sahabat yang paling aku sayang.

i still have faith in you even if the whole world does not anymore. 

because hey, friendship forever, right?

right and wrong

is it wrong if i speak up?

if i do, i might hurt people.

if i don't, people say i'm a coward.

is it wrong if i apologize?

if i do, i might be humiliated.

if i don't, then i am heartless.

is it wrong if i care?

if i do, people step on my head.

if i don't, people say i'm cruel.

is it wrong if i am sad?

if i do, people say i'm weak.

if i don't, you still think something's wrong with me.

is it wrong if i crush my own ego?

if i do, people say i'm foolish.

if i don't, people say i'm stuck up.

i used to think i'm a risk taker. spontaneous. 

now, i doubt i'll take risks anymore.

say something hurtful to me, i doubt i'll snap back at you.

be angry with me, and i'll be the one worrying the most about you.

i used to think i don't care if i'm hurt,

as long as my friends are smiling.

perhaps,

it's just me conforming to society.

words

i wish i could talk with someone. 

just the two of us

 under the night sky.

i wish i could just call someone 

and talk for hours; 

right now.

i wish i could make 

someone i've just met 

to pour his heart out 

to me.

i wish i could be 

the only one 

you'll tell your stories to.

am i being selfish for saying this?

common sense 101

antara situasi yang akan membuat anda dikeji masyarakat setempat:

1) gelojoh. pantang nampak kawan ada makanan, terus mintak sikit. kalau kadang-kadang takpe. ini every time. tak consider kawan tu mungkin tak makan satu hari ke, mungkin dia tak cukup duit dan itu satu-satunya meal dia for the day, mungkin dia memang save makanan tu for last... bila orang offer pulak laju je ambik. bukan awak takde duit nak beli sendiri. tapi nak pau orang punya pasal. yang penting, makanan awak tu memang harapan lah nak bagi orang. common sense babe, dalam friendship ada give and take. the more you give, the more you'll get. takkan benda simple pun nak kena carut? d'oh.

2) insensitive. contohnya macam nilah. awak pergi makan dengan member. makan nasi lemak sama-sama. member elok-elok tengah makan ni, tetiba awak baling kacang kat dia. without any fucking reason. are you fucking out of your mind? paham tak, itu kurang ajar namanya? baling ais, baling tulang, baling tisu kau buat lap selsema. just... what the F?! next example, main ambik je barang/makanan orang tak mintak izin. next example lagi, bergurau bodoh tak kena tempat. lagi-lagi bila melibatkan benda-benda kotor. out of the blue, kau pergi kentut kat orang tu. hello, kalau orang tu adik-beradik kau lain cerita, babe. -.-"

dalam friendship, aku paling pantang benda-benda kecik macam ni. sebab it's so simple. awak patutnya boleh pikir sendiri kot. cuba, for once, faham orang. cuba, for once, bila awak kena carut, awak reflect diri awak instead of sentap-sentap. sekarang, semua orang still cakap elok-elok dengan awak for the sake nak jaga hati awak kot. so please appreciate them before they fade away from you.

please faham, semua orang sayang kamu.

-END-

things i love

i love the rain.
i love rainy nights.
i love watching the moon.
i love watching the moon with someone.
i love being alone.
i love being alone in my room.
i love him.
i love you.
i love the fact you are not aware.
i love that i care.
i love mysteries.
i love simplicity.
i love smiles. 
i love subjectivity.
i love kindness. 
i love sincerity.




i love that simple thing you wrote.
i love how you care.
i love how you argue.
i love the complicated you.

i love how you're being you. 

so please, stay.

jumblove

i wish i could write something deep, something like a story, about you and my surroundings, without anyone else knowing what the hell am i talking about. my mind is full of things - of similes and metaphors and how much i compare you with something else, which is as beautiful as you - but am never able to write everything down. for me, writing my thoughts down is completely an understatement. it's like water, always flowing away whenever i want to carefully caress it, but comes to drown me at night when i'm just about to sleep.

i am not good with words, thus i cannot explain this feeling that came to grow ever since i know you. you were something else, you were special, you were always able to draw smiles on people around you, but the sight of it makes me want to cry. not because of anything, i just thought of how stupid i am, falling for someone so impossible to get. but how blissful i am, knowing you before it's too late. exploring you. i've slowly became good at that.

last two nights, i had predicted something that you would do. surprisingly, it came true. mixed emotions. i was overjoyed that i was finally able to read you, taking one more step to get to know you, and be a part of you. but a little part of me cried. i don't wanna lose you. i don't wanna be attached to you because all the people whom i grew close with, whom i pour my heart with... would always leave me, in the end.

but, oh God, please make this last forever. this feeling, something that i would not call 'love'. 

but more than that.

.............................................................................

"Sudi tak awak jadi putera hati saya?"

"Sudi :) Sudi tak awak jadi princess hidup saya?"

"Tak sudi."

":'("

"Saya taknak jadi princess, saya nak jadi your knight in shining armour, your guardian angel, orang yang awak akan cari when the whole world turns away from you."