Monday, July 30, 2012


if you were mine, i'd kiss all those blemishes and pimples on your face, and tell you how you're the handsomest in the whole wide world.

if you were mine, i'd hold your hand through the most darkest nights of your life.

if you were mine, i'd hug you through your worst nightmares.

if you were mine, i'd look at you always just to memorize the way you frown every time i annoy you.

if you were mine, i wouldn't ever tell anyone how you are the only one that i could ever want.

if you were mine, i'd stare through your eyes when you have nothing to say.

now that you're mine, yeah, whatever.

*sadly, feelings change.*

Saturday, July 28, 2012


I'll keep on going to forget you
Cuz i'm just too tired with what you do.
Your thoughts always make me doubt you
You know this'll never work out, don't you?

Slowly the heart feels disturbed
So I try to keep us apart from each other.
Slowly the heart goes unperturbed
I'll try to keep it like this, forever.

You are never my everything
Not the place for me to stop stepping.
It's over, everything's gone,
Let the rain wash you away - I'm moving on.

Peterpan - Menghapus Jejakmu

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

good night

"Huwaaaaaaaahhhh!" she cried. They were sitting on the swings, one fine afternoon.

"What?" he asked.

She sobbed. "I texted my crush yesterday. I wished him good night. He never replied..." and she continued crying. She did not realize his changed expression.

"Well, that's what you get for not listening to me. I told you the guy's an asshole. Plus, a good night wish is just cheesy." 

She went silent. "You're a meanie!" she screamed and she ran back home.


She was asleep when her phone beeped. She quickly snatched it, half-awake. Oh please, let it be my crush. Please let him wish me good night, too. She prayed, before opening the text.

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl.
It's beyond me - I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world.
So good night, good night..."

There was a message attached to the video. ----Stop sulking, it's getting on my nerves.

She let out a small laugh. How cheap, sending a Maroon 5 song just because you're not creative enough to write an apology of your own, she thought. He must be really mad right now. She giggled.

She did not realize she was smiling in her sleep, clutching her phone tightly in her hand.

Sunday, July 15, 2012


This is the best feeling, she thought, after throwing herself on the bed. It was already night time. The time she loved the most. The time where everything seemed like a dream. The time when... She smiled, snuggling her blanket, looking at the ceiling.

Her phone rang. Was she dreaming it too? She really loved the ringtone. It was one of her favourite songs when she was alone in the middle of the night. She loved the lyrics, although they were so irrelevant with her situation right now. Or were they?

"(music) Honey why are you calling me, so late...?"

She would always answer the phone only after the word 'late'. That line was special. Maybe because there was only one person she intended the lyrics to. Maybe because she could indirectly call him 'honey', without anyone knowing. Maybe because the music was the tune she would want to wake up to. Maybe his voice was the tune she would want to wake up to. Maybe-

Fuck that, that's cheesy. She laughed.

She picked up the phone, not uttering any words. Because she always knew what the person would say...

"Where have you been, answering the phone so late!" He grumpily muttered. She could imagine his sulky face, like a child being refused a cotton candy.

"Excuse me, sir, but I have lotsa other things to attend to than your call." She laughed. 

Like hell it's true.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

against the world

"Why do you keep being with him? He can't even walk straight." was the same question being thrown at her over and over again until she grew tired of it. Until he himself can sense it.

"You, what's wrong?" He asked on their way to the funfair. 

"Everything's wrong," she sighed. "I should not be with you, but... hey, are you listening?"

He was staring fixedly at the jumping lights. A half-smile formed on his face as he heard the funfair song. da-da-da-da. Until he almost collided with a big guy in front of him. She had to apologize.

"Why do you keep doing that?!" She stomped her foot. He looked at her, silently. Slowly, he made a sulky face. It was so annoying yet so cute, she did not know what to do.


"Why do you keep being with him? He can't even walk straight." asked her friends for the umpteenth time. "We know you love him, riiiiight." And their laughter rang sharply in her ears, making her stop in the middle of the hallway. They stopped, too.

"This is beyond love. When you are in love, you would want to watch his face, memorizing every detail. What I got is only annoyance and exasperation every time I watch his, but I cannot help forgetting my problems by seeing his expressions. When you are in love, you would want to spend time together always. What I feel is I have to be with him always so I can save his ass from stumbling down. When you are in love, you would want to text or call him constantly, just to say "I love you". But I don't have to say a thing just to tell him what I'm feeling," she answered her friends, who now looked like retarded eels.

"You may want your love to be your prince charming, but I want to be his knight in shining armor." With that, she left.


"Hey, you want to go to the funfair again?" she asked him. His face lit up. Just like the jumping lights, she thought.

"I want to! I want to win that big teddy bear at the shooting booth, so I can give it to you!" He replied, excitedly. Her heart went ba-dump! for a moment, then she said:

"You know I don't like teddy bears."

And they walked together to the funfair.

Thursday, July 12, 2012


watching the rising sun with the fish.

late-night-deep-on-the-phone-conversations with the wind.

watching movie in the dark with the virgin maiden.

when i was having a bad cough and the twin still bought Coke for me.


all these early marriage things.

it's making me crazy.

pressures me to get ready before i want to.


and until i can untangle this,

i don't want to get married. :)

Sunday, July 8, 2012

kupu-kupu malam

aku duduk dalam kepompong.
seumur hidup kena kongkong.
dengan pandangan dan kata-kata kosong.
bertahun-tahun hidup tergantung.
kaki dah kejung, hati dah rentung.

kau dengar kata mereka?
jangan keluar, nanti tak bahagia.
jangan ke sana, nanti merana.
jangan lakukan, besar padahnya.
kau tak boleh buat apa-apa!
kepompong, itulah zon selesa.

hari ini aku ambil keputusan
kata mereka aku takkan pedulikan.
aku buang mereka yang menjadi beban
aku sayang mereka yang digelar rakan
aku kejar dia yang buat aku tertawan
aku terbang mengejar awan.
kepompong itu? aku pecahkan.

aku kupu-kupu.
tak cantik, aku tahu.
mungkin ramai tak suka aku.
tapi, aku sendiri kawal hidup aku. :)