Sunday, February 20, 2011

dreams

okay, tajuk kita hari ini adalah dreams. dan ianya bukan tentang impian, ianya adalah semata-mata tentang mimpi.

buat pengetahuan semua, mimpi saya biasanya terbahagi kepada dua. 

1) mimpi yang pelik2. 

contohnya mimpi kena kejar hantu/vampire - ini adalah mimpi yg paling selalu saya dapat. orang kata, mimpi kena kejar ni bermakna ada kerja yg kita belum siapkan lagi. wallahualam. bagi saya, ini adalah kesan saya selalu tidur lepas asar/maghrib. hehe. selain itu, ada jugak mimpi yg banyak kali tunjuk image saya nak pergi semayang (please note the word 'pergi', cuz everytime i tried to pray in that dream, something/someone always stop my intention) dan mimpi nak kencing (ini perkara biasa kan?) :D



2) mimpi tentang seseorang.

biasanya, org2 yg saya rindu subconsciously akan masuk dalam mimpi. kenapa saya kata subconsciously? sebab saya selalu tak sedar saya rindu mereka. contohnya bebudak maahad, dan ibu bapa saya. that also explains why i never dreamt about ungku or teslians (sebab dah hari2 jumpa! hehe).

tadi saya mimpi about something sad. here goes;

saya balik rumah weekend ni. then mama cakap "tikah, kau belajar la bawak kereta time cuti ni." tiba-tiba faris menyampuk "mama suruh kakak bawak kereta tapi takde kereta pun nak bagi." mama terus tersentap, dia terus keluar dari bilik kitorang and she just said "jangan cakap macam tu dengan bapak kau, nanti dia..." then she left just like that.

later, aku baru lepas mandi, terjumpa mama kat dapur. she backed away from me cuz she's doing something at the kitchen sink. i kinda apologized about the car thingy and she said

"mama tahu, korang memang selalu pikir kenapa mama papa cakap something, tapi tak pernah buat. *paused, her voice breaks a little* tapi cuba kau pikir, kau pun dah selalu buat macam tu kat mama. cuba kau bayangkan, mama papa dah excited nak amik kau bawak balik rumah masa weekends, sanggup duduk dalam traffic jam lama-lama, mama pulak sakit, papa kau baru balik kerja. tapi bila sampai dekat kau, kau boleh cakap tak jadi nak balik rumah."

dan aku mintak maaf bebanyak kali sampai rasa nak nangis sampailah a neighbour of ours came into the picture. mama just brushed away her sadness, smiled, and told me to go upstairs and rest. dan time tulah aku terbangun dengan perasaan down yg teramat-amat.


ya, aku rindu mama papa aku. i wish i can hug her and not let go and tell her how much i love her. i wish i can kiss my dad's cheeks without backing away so fast because of the embarrassment. i wish when we were little, mama and papa taught us to hug them whenever we want to say thank you and kiss them when we want to say "i love you". instead, they never show that they need those things, what's important is that we have enough of everything. right now, even buying them something, to me, is something very hard to do.


and this might also stemmed from yesterday: ungku cakap parents dia nak buat something utk dia, and i ended up saying "ala entah2 tak jadi. kan dah selalu jadi macam tu." i'm sorry for being so badmouthed T____T

nak balik. sob sob.

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