can i write something? can i?

there are days when i wrote multiple posts within 24 hours.

why? mixed feelings.

and today is my [un]lucky day.

this evening, i asked him if we could study together.

he said yes, so i waited. and waited.. and waited...

and lpas maghrib die call.

die ckp xjadi, cuz die pnat.

i was disappointed. but i tried so hard not to let it show.

then i asked "bile awk nk kuar?"

he answered "jap lg..."

and i burst out "cptla, sye lapa nh..."

and ---- silent.

i quickly realized my mistake, and apologized.

he must've been offended, poor thing.

but i've never had any intention to say that.

it just flew out of my mouth.

sorry...

then, i packed my bag with EIM book.

who knows, he might change his mind.

while we waited for the food,

i asked him "kalo sye byr teksi antar awk g mcd nk?"

he replied "hbeh, cne sye nk kua dr uitm?"

i answered "xpe2. sye byr sume..."

he refused. he said he's tired.

hmm. tipulah kalo ckp ak xsedih.

still, ak xnk susahkn die...

so we sat silent, until i feebly said "gudluck..."

i mean for his paper tomorrow.

then he said "jgnla sedih pulak".

sgt tersentap dgn tone ayt die tuh.

then ak diam. sbb ak xnk mrh2 die dh..

after that he did ask me back if i really want to study with him tonight.

of course i said no.

ak xnk die susahkn diri die sbb ak...

i really want to cry kat medan tadi.

i felt like he has somehow lost his patience with me.

i think he'll be fine going thru a few days without me.

so, eventhough he won't realize it,

i'll try hard to

bear with his voice-raising. and care for him.

and understand him. and smile for him.

and not screaming or yelling or being annoying.

to be perfect for him.

:'(