Jujur.

Ini adalah aku.

Aku rindu 

Aku takut hilang kamu

dan

Setiap malam aku

bersyukur pada Tuhanku

sebab temukan kita di situ.

Macam pasir

yang kau jejak setiap incinya

Itulah hidup aku

ada kamu dimana-mana.

22

Young, wild, and carefree.

When you were sitting next to me.

Those eye contacts meant just for me.

When everything made us happy.

The sweetest guy that you could be.

That never-ending energy.

Unspoken promises of what we'll be.

Now, we're just adults, trying to survive as the day goes by, trying to make ends meet by kissing our fun goodbye. I truly miss you and us, how we would walk together and talk about things no one else bothered. Those little things that reminded me of you, I'll keep them forever. Just in case the world turned a hundred-eighty degrees and you, safely and soundly, came back to me.

broken thoughts

Yesterday:
You are like a secret garden I would sneak into every night, just to watch the stars.

Last month:
Looking at your pimples and thinking how perfect you are.

Two days ago:
Oh you won't mention me. OMG you did!

Last night:
I'm not missing you.
Just now:
Fuck that dream.

Yesterday:
You won't call. You were busy with someone else.

Two days ago:
How do I deserve to get someone as sweet as you?

Always:
I like you. No I don't. Fuck that. I love you. Wait, maybe I don't. Please be with me, always.

kontradiksi

Tak sangka, aku end up dengan kau akhirnya. Orang yang aku pernah pandang sebelah mata. Orang yang dulu pandang aku punya kawan lama.

Tak sangka, kita tak boleh berenggang lama. Aku ingat aku punya kuasa wanita. Sekarang tak dengar suara kau sehari pun boleh buat aku hampir gila.

Tak sangka, begini pengakhirannya. "Jom break up," aku pernah kata. Sekarang aku duduk tak diam, tidur tak lena.

Tak sangka, aku sayang seseorang lebih dari biasa. Padahal dulu kata dah serik suka manusia.

Biar kat mata orang kita dah tak ada apa-apa. Bagi aku, aku masih akan tunggu 21 Februari, tanda empat tahun kita gaduh baik menangis ketawa.

Benci tapi sayang. Bengang tapi girang. Aku paling benci bila orang nampak aku punya jiwang.

#588

Tolak permainan dan rasa.

Tolak mereka ke sana.

Tinggal apa?

Aku betul-betul suka kau-

aku suka kau seorang saja.

Dan aku betul-betul tengah rindu kau-

rindu macam nak gila.

Tolak tepi semua,

yang tinggal cuma dua.

Rindu, suka. Tak terkira.

Dan tiba-tiba,

aku percaya.

Percaya pada kita.

Tunggu --

kau aku punya.

Sampai bila-bila aku suka.