"What if it was only us in the equation?" I asked, desperately. He was a piece of cloth I've always been clinging to - once of brilliant red; now just of a dusty hue.
"Darling," he started, as I saw the faint lines of frowns on his forehead. His hand running through his hair, like all the times he felt troubled. This one word was how he bind me. It could mean only one thing, yet we pretended it meant a lot of things.
"You know we can't. I got Jude and we're tying the knot next month. And you - look at that ring on your finger! You know David is my best friend, right?" His voice trembled, but his loyalty, unshaken.
I repeated the first question. Maybe it was partly greed, maybe I just needed to know.
"Give it time."
I wiped my tears off my sunken cheeks, took the time to feel each wrinkle underlining my eyes. Life has been a struggle and I've always pulled through, but I'm just so tired now, honey.
And as I stared at my ringless finger, I prayed for God's forgiveness and grace in front of my best friend's grave. Give it time, you said, and I've given. 45 years is already up and I would like to think that you are looking at me from Heavens, that you are doing just as fine as me.
What if it was only us in the equation? There was no doubt you would love me. Always have, always will, don't you, you scatterbrain? I laughed through tears flowing freely on my cheeks. That's why we chose to live alone, knowing very well that in our hearts, we would always have each other.
It might be selfish of me - not that I haven't been already, but I pray that we would finally have all the time we need in our next life. Goodbye, my friend - no. Goodbye, companion. And you spark brilliantly red, again.