no turning back.

once, when i was in secondary school. we would constantly whine about how boring it was to be a school kid. how lame it was to wear that tudung labuh and be teased by those indon guys at Metro Kajang. but we also had our fun. we played and talked like there's no tomorrow. we poured our hearts and souls to every bathroom mirror or corridors we stumbled with. we liked those people, admired them, even got a chance to talk with them.

why, why do i feel that school was the most boring place ever? 

i shouldn't have. 

now i regret every piece of my thoughts. 

true, we were just kids, then. 

but i should have known better.

moments like this are so rare.

when we first stepped into our asasi years, oh, it was the best ever. finally, free from home. finally, free to go out at nights without having to fill in that goddamned outing form. finally, no lame uniforms. finally, new friends from numerous variety of courses. but i tend to forget those that stayed in my past. i used to think, my old friends and i, we will always stay strong together, forever. nothing can part us.

little did i know, little did i think. when i met them last few weeks, i was surprised that my mind suddenly went blank before talking to them. it made me wanna cry. true, we still cracked our old school jokes, but something is missing. to me, it is that chance to sleep together after having our pillow talks. and no matter how hard we tried, we can never fully catch up to our friends latest stories and updates.

it's too late now, isn't it? we can never, ever go back to that time when we were just ignorant, immature school kids. now, we are already in our second year of degree. another two years and we are out of here. and at THAT time, maybe i'll regret those moments when i hated Shah Alam and all these people here. and a few more years, some of us will be getting married.

oh, marriage. no matter how i look at it, it really isn't a small matter. marriage starts to frighten me. what if, what if... too much possibilities. what if the one i love get married to someone else? what will happen after all of us are married, will there still be those sweet gossips and pillow talks? 

now i know why my latest dreams revolve around school. we, wearing our school uniforms, studied Science together in front of the school's bookshop. you, mr. crush, we were back in school, and you handed to me an album filled with the photos of us, posing crazily in our school uniforms. every time i have these dreams, i would never want to wake up from them. and when i finally did, i'll stare blankly at the wall, unsure of what to feel.

now that i've known better, i will cherish my university years with all my heart. move on from the past, and do not yet think about the future. "today is a gift, that is why they call it 

P.R.E.S.E.N.T. . ."